A Mother’s Day Message for You #honestly

Mother’s Day.  It’s meant to be a day of joy, of celebration, and of love.  And in many ways, it is.  But there’s another side to it too.  A side that can bring with it pain and sorrow that makes some folks want to crawl under the covers until it’s all over.  Today, I have a message for you, wherever on the spectrum you fall.  Read along until you find the one that resonates with you.

To those who are mothers of young children: I salute you.  From day to day, you may wonder if what you’re doing makes a difference.  As you clean up {more} Cheerios off the floor, walk around in a sleep-deprived haze, and can’t remember the last time you showered, sometimes life can turn into a blur.  I know.  I’ve been there.  Sometimes you wonder what happened to your identity as an individual.  Sometimes you miss the freedom you once had before you had a baby…or lots of babies.  That’s normal.  Sometimes you wish that instead of always taking care of someone else, somebody would just take care of you.  That’s normal too.  Know today that what you do is the. hardest. job. in. the. world.  Parenting is not for sissies.  But also know that what you are doing is the most rewarding job in the world.  You are raising the future.  Every action you take that cares for and shows love to your child{ren} is not wasted.  You are doing a good job.  Did you hear me?  You are doing a good job.  Honestly.

To mothers everywhere: Whether your children are infants or adults with children of their own, your job never ends, does it?  Because no matter how old we get, we all still need Mom.  Sometimes you question your decisions.  Sometimes you wonder if you did the right thing, or if you could have done that one thing better.  You know what?  There’s no one way to be the perfect mom…but there are a million ways to be an awesome one.  You are awesome.  Every time you put your family first, every time you sacrifice, every time you act in what you believe is the best interest of your child{ren}, you are being awesome.  Thank you for all of the sleepless nights and prayers, for the unconditional love, and for every little thing you have done that you think no one noticed.  You are priceless and you are loved.  Honestly.

To those who long to be mothers: I feel your pain.  I have walked in your shoes.  I know how it feels to look at that stick and see negative over and over again.  I know how it feels to wonder if you will ever hold a child in your arms.  How it feels to wonder why and to feel like somehow you must be broken.  To say it hurts is an understatement.  Today, the reminder once again of what you don’t have is an ache deep in your heart.  I wish there were something I could do to fix that…to help you find hope for the future and peace for where you are right now.  I pray that you will be comforted and that in God’s perfect time you will become the mother you long to be, whether that happens with a natural child, adoption, or foster care.  In the meantime, take that love you have and shower it on other little ones in your life who may need your mothering more than you know.  And always remember, you are not walking this path alone.  Honestly.

To those waiting to bring your babies home: I have several friends in the middle of the adoption process; some who will bring their babies home soon and some who have no idea when that day will come because of difficulties of international procedures.  I am praying with you and waiting eagerly for that day when you are able to have your whole family together.  In the meantime, you are still very much a mother.  Your love and prayers are not wasted, just because he or she isn’t in your home or your arms yet.  That day will come, but every sacrifice you are making is seen and will be rewarded, even if it doesn’t seem like it now.  Honestly.

To those who have miscarried: You are not alone.  Although I have never experienced the pain of losing a baby, I literally cannot count the number of friends I know who have.  Some more than once.  There are so many women out there who have been where you are.  I would encourage you not to hold your grief in, but to find a few trusted friends to talk with who have been there too.  Don’t let those who don’t understand hurt you with their insensitivity.  Those who think a miscarriage is no big deal have obviously never experienced that loss.  Your pain is real.  Your baby was real.  Your grief is natural.  Whether or not you have any children in your arms today, you are still a mother.  And I promise you, there is still hope for the future.  Honestly.

To those who have lost a mother: I can’t imagine the sense of loss you feel today, or every day, for that matter.  I am so thankful to still have my mother here with me, but I know from watching my best friend grieve for hers the past two years that it’s an ache that never really goes away.  The urge to call her, to hear her voice, to have her advice.  The heartache of knowing she won’t see your children grow up and the wish that they could know her.  It’s an emptiness no one can take away, and a spot in your heart that no one else can fill.  I can’t bring your mother back to you, though heaven knows I wish I could.  But today, I encourage you as much as you’re able to focus on honoring her memory with joy.  Look at photos.  Show them to your children.  Tell funny stories and remember the things about her that you loved most.  Remember the things about her that drove you nuts, and laugh about them.  Make a list of the things about you that you know came from her…her eyes, her sense of humor, her love for certain things… Tell me about her.  There’s a big old comment section here, and the Facebook page is open.  Tell me about your mom.  Let me see her through your eyes and help you honor her today.  Honestly.

To those who have lost a child: My heart is actually incredibly heavy as I write this post because in the past week, I’ve heard news of two families who lost their precious children unexpectedly.  You’ve probably heard or seen at least a little something about #redballoonsforRyan…Ryan was a 3 year old in California who was hit by a truck while playing outside at his cousin’s house.  You may also have heard of a blog called Cheerios and Lattes; Makenzie Rollins is a blogger-friend of mine who has participated in some group giveaways and series here at One Artsy Mama.  This week, her three month old daughter Zoe stopped breathing while at the babysitter’s house and was unable to be brought back to life.  Stories like these cut right to the soul.  And this time of year, I also can’t help but think of my dear friend Maggie, whose first child, Liana, was stillborn.  I literally cannot even imagine the pain you feel when you lose a child.  That is a tragedy no parent should ever have to face.  Words fall so short in the face of such grief.  People can try to comfort you, to bring meals, to raise funds, but nothing can bring back what you lost.  And so, those of us who love you are humbled by our own ability to do absolutely nothing but mourn for you, cry with you, and pray for you.  Today, if you are mourning for a child, I wish I could hold you close and sit with you awhile.  We’d have coffee and you could tell me the story of that child’s life.  But, you know, even though there are probably miles between us, I’d still love to hear that story.  I’d love to celebrate him or her with you.  To get to know who that child was.  Feel free to share, here in the comments or over on the Facebook page.  Let us help you keep that memory alive in the best way, by remembering him or her with joy and love.  And please know you are never alone in your sorrow.  Honestly.

To those who are grandmothers: This is one of the best things in life, or so I’m told!  I’m still about 20 years away from being a grandmother myself…perhaps more if Little Crafter really sticks to his resolution not to get married and to live with me forever.  But, I have it on good authority that there is no joy in life quite like grandchildren.  Today, I give you permission to spoil them.  Love on them.  Enjoy them.  Play with them until you are both exhausted and fall down needing a nap.  But there’s more.  Talk to them and tell them your stories.  Teach them to do the things you do best.  It wasn’t until I was in my twenties that my husband and I began asking my grandfather what it was like when he served in the war.  Now, he’s no longer here to tell those stories and I’m so thankful I learned what I did about him while I could.  It wasn’t until last year that my husband’s grandmother started talking about her childhood to me, telling me about picking and canning things with her mother.  She talked about growing up in New York eighty years ago…it was fascinating.  Would you promise me to start earlier?  Fill their little ears with fun stories about your childhood whenever you get a chance so that they really get to know you as a person.  Your story…tell them.  Teach them to bake your famous pies or cookies.  Give them a piece of yourself.  I wish that I had known some of my great-grandparents and my grandfathers better than I did.  I’m thankful that my grandmothers are still here so I can make up for lost time.  Would you teach them to know you not just as their grandmother but as a person?  They will love you all the more for it.  Honestly.

To all of you, my friends: Today, I don’t know which of these groups you fall into…maybe several.  But wherever you are, whatever you’re feeling, know that you are loved.  As you face Mother’s Day tomorrow, know that we {the entire community here at One Artsy Mama} have got your back.  I have a very special group of friends who call ourselves “No Mom Left Behind,”  because we recognize the absolute necessity of supporting and encouraging the other women in our lives.  We have pledged to be there for each other, for those last minute, “I need a babysitter” moments, for much-needed girls nights out, for day to day venting, and for celebrating our achievements together.  We all need friends like that, and I truly hope that you will find a little taste of that here at One Artsy Mama.  Join us over on Facebook and you’ll see.  Whatever you’re excited about or dreading with Mother’s Day, I guarantee you’re not alone.  Honestly.

See you on Facebook.